Winds of Change

In my last post, I outlined the new direction of Mama’s Got Flair:

Do you feel you’ve lost touch with your identity since becoming a wife and mother? Mama’s Got Flair is a haven for mamas who want to rediscover themselves, their dreams and personal goals. There’s no shame in finding a healthy balance between love for your family and yourself. Happy mamas who value themselves, raise respectful, confident children who do the same. If you’re ready to reclaim yourself, celebrate your strength, express your individuality and build your self-confidence, welcome to Mama’s Got Flair.

Since committing to my mission, I’ve received so much fabulous support and excited response, it’s become abundantly clear to me, I’m on the right track. I’ve heard a bajillion incredible stories from women in various stages of the journey to reclaiming their individuality. It’s simply delicious.

Thank you to all the extraordinary women who’ve shared their dreams, triumphs and struggles with me. While reading, I laughed, cried and even clapped. It’s a good thing y’all couldn’t see me, it may have been a touch embarrassing. You ladies are my inspiration. Keep your stories coming. I want to hear from everyone.

All that goodness being said, I want to take the opportunity to tell y’all why this endeavor is near and dear to my heart.

Modern moms, myself certainly included, are shouldering the weight of the world. And the worst part is, we’re doing it to ourselves and each other (albeit, unintentionally). We’re concentrating so completely on juggling a burdensome combination of careers, romantic relationships, children and households, we wind up losing touch with ourselves. We make a conscious effort to shelf our personal aspirations and desires in the name of motherhood.

We need to put a stop to the martyrdom and think about what we’re doing to ourselves. In the last few days, multiple women have told me they (and their families) have suffered in one way or another. Because they felt so much pressure to be “perfect,” they eventually broke down in a “What about ME” moment and made irreversible decisions they now regret.

The same women told me that after these events took place, they realized they’d been neglecting themselves. They felt guilty about meeting their personal needs, because their time and effort should be spent on their families. In retrospect, they all feel that had they made themselves more of a priority, asking for help from their support systems and doing little things for themselves, things may have turned out differently.

I’m in no way suggesting we should completely shirk our responsibilities to our families, I’m saying we need to find a balance. There will always be an element of sacrifice to parenthood. We’re no longer living for ourselves alone. We signed that contract when we conceived our little wonders. HOWEVER, by always putting ourselves last, we’re begging for mental, physical and emotional exhaustion and our families will suffer.

This is my challenge to you. Sit down and make two lists.

The first list should contain at least 3 goals or dreams, big or small, that you have for yourself. This list is personal, so there’s no judgment. What’s something you’ve always wanted to do or recently took interest in? Do you want to write a book? Visit a foreign country? Participate in a local theatre production? Start a book club? Earn a degree? Take a cake decorating course at the local community college?

The second list is of indulgences you haven’t been affording yourself. Make the list as long as you want. What little extras would make you feel special? Throwing that $4 bottle of dulce de leche coffee creamer in the grocery cart? Taking an hour here and there just to soak in the bathtub? Wearing sexy lingerie under your soccer mom t-shirt?

Put these lists somewhere you’ll see them regularly. If they’re out of sight, they’ll be out of mind, which totally defeats the purpose. The more you look at them, the more inspired you’ll be to follow through. Keep them handy, we’ll be revisiting them again.

If you’re feeling bold enough to share your lists (anonymously, if you’d like) email them to me and I’ll create a page. Maybe your ideas will get the gears turning in another lovely lady’s head.

We’re in this together ladies. Welcome to your new-found flair.

Photo credit: flickr.com/photos/valeriebb/2350197001/